Readers.
I know I have deserted you, but please do know that it was
not my intention to live past my previous post and yet here I am!
Hmmmmm.
Well, I recently overdosed on painkillers. Which I failed
dismally at considering I’m still here and all that shit.
I’ve taken to an interest to the sport of hanging, I think that would be better
and ultimately less painful since I once heeded that the neck breaks first.
Firstly though.
Let me explain to you why I am back in this perpetual cycle
of self-destruction.
I recently lost my sisters phone. A phone that was lent to
me, since I had lost mine three months prior. I did it again my devoted cyber
children.
I trusted man.
Like I always do I slipped into his trap and became a victim
of his cruelty.
Encore.
I blame myself though, for having had faith in humanity. The
remembrance of their evil smothers me at night. It’s hard to sleep when you are
your own antagonist. I am my own enemy because I always let shit like this
materialize. It is not mans fault for being sinful and evil. It is my fault for
temporarily believing they were not.
Its mind-boggling isn’t it reader that the lose of a phone could
almost have been the apprehension of my demise. Yes I do perceive from your
point of view that the thought of this scenario is absolutely ludicrous. Do
keep in mind though that you are not me. You do not reside in my head. You
don’t have your own inner voice constantly putting you down with its
pessimistic remarks to the choices I make in this hurtful life that I live.
Fight Club?
The picture?
You should know this film if not best you organize getting a hold of it.
Tyler Durden lives in my head.
My identical own.
I do not have the privilege of physically seeing my nemesis like
Norton but he holds upward of the same effects on me.
My inner self tortures myself.
Every isolated moment of my pitiful life.
Recurrently I have the urge to just break out in tears and
hope for the Lord to roar cut and
free me from this purgatory.
Would you like to know what hell on earth is?
Having your rival latch himself inside your mind to comment
and see all your wrongs and mistakes, they then constantly remind you of them.
Everyday reader, every fucken day.
It’s almost as if I torment myself. What is worse is when
the bulling won’t stop.
I found myself speaking to my inner bastard today as I
hopelessly made my way to the campus library to capture what seems to be my
last remaining days
….
“It’s either you go, or I go”.
Deep down though, I know I can’t escape him.
I am the opposition.
Out
