Welcome.
Well after a long period of time, I have finally fallen back
into my rut of comfort.
Let us start off with the “progress” shall we? First of, I
am now a full time student at AFDA School of Motion Picture and Live
Performance. I am flourishing academically so I’m not complaining much in that
department, but still HE managed to pull me out of the haystack.
I’ve taken onto a rather wild lifestyle nowadays since I now
reside solo dolo in the city.
Actually a couple of weeks back I was shocked to find my
beautiful older sister temporarily fixed to my door demanding an explanation as
too why the building securities were up her ass looking for me, crying
“vandalism”.
Only too find, long after I had denied it multiple times prior the
revelation of the truth I was found guilty. The previous weekend I had had a drink
too many and ended up falling through the roof of a fellow tenant from the
first floor.
Spectacular Spectacular.
I don’t remember a
thing. Please understand that I was not lying rather I was recalling what was
in my memory. Sadly, that story was not.
Sigh!
I think I have a problem.
I am a binge-drinker.
Not an alcoholic. Alcoholics drink repeatedly throughout their
lives and cannot exceed a certain time frame without their poison of choice.
I however, drink vinously in a shorter period of time.
Immensely.
I then opt to go on very challenging adventures, which I
hope to conquer before the end of the evening. I’m not usually conscious by
then in any event.
Here’s my diagnosis.
I drink to numb the pain. That moment when I’m stuck in
“autopilot”, it’s an intensified state of ignorance. I am not I. I am another.
A Bastard that lodges himself inside of me. The bastard that does what he wants
, when he wants to do it. There is no such thing as a second opinion to him.
Most importantly though, he giveth not a shit about anybody!
I’m serious here, believe me I know this guy.
I party with him all the time!
I think he lives inside of me because he brings me a sense
of happiness. Secretly I love him, because he just magnifies everything I feel
and think on a daily basis. His constant distaste for man intrigues me.
He is a Bastard.
I am a Bastard.
Therefore I am not worthy to keep existing in a world where my
inner hero is a villain.
Last night. Well early this morning I awoke in a state of
howl. I squeezed Fudge extremely tight as I wiped away the declaration of the
rapture in my soul.
After the befall of this session, my face softened.
I am
back, back to the place I call home.
As demented as it may be. Even though I am the Bastard.
…
I cannot live without pain.
Out.
